So Glad You’re Not Here
DECEMBER 2021 ● JOURNAL
It’s now been a full year since I had my last drink - a small milestone in the long term, but a good start. It’s different for everyone, but quitting was something I absolutely needed to do in order to really be me and start makin’ my way toward my full potential. In so many ways, it was a rollercoaster beforehand. A very destructive one that was leading nowhere good. The radio roared with intoxicating melodies, my hand hung freely out the window, chaotically surfing waves of air, and in the rear-view mirror, I saw picturesque landscapes. Whatever else was in the car, maybe they were people or memories, seemed to be shouting, “Yes! Keep going!” Those memories started to fade as I looked forward. The brakes were dead, the wheel was stiff, and I was heading straight toward a brick wall, being pulled by the inertia of it all. I kicked open my door and jumped out. I stopped feeding the evil wolf. Well, I weaned him off. And magically, my own life slowly, as if it were a cup, became more full. With joy. Anyway, I still had plenty to feed. All that food had to go somewhere, yanno? So if I wasn’t feeding that evil wolf – you guessed it – that good wolf was eating well. Days went by, then months, and now it has been a year. The evil wolf has managed to take a few chomps here and there. Maybe I keep him around just enough to keep things interesting. To serve as a reminder or to acknowledge his presence and power. But the good wolf is healthy. And more powerful. And he keeps getting healthier. I’ve found that the relationship with this good wolf is reciprocal, much like it was with the evil one. The more I give, the more I get back. I have been blessed with an abundance of...everything. Everything I didn’t know I needed, but welcome and now cherish. Connection. Collaboration. Joy. Friendship. Discovery. Learning. Exploration. Positivity. Confidence. Support. Meaning. In this past year, I’ve met and connected with so many people and have done so many things I otherwise never would have. I have photography and film and y’all to thank for that. Feels good.